Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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