my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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