At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize