A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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