So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
