good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
