check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
