I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we're making bets on your personal life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's get the cat blown out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
