She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
