Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
