My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
