Your face is a jimmy john
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
