You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
