I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
