is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
