Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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