He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
