there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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