fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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