i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
