Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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