MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
