I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and she was petting her beer can
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
