I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize