i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
