My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
