I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
