Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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