My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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