I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
