I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We had sex on a dog bed..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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