mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
