i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no, he came in my armpit
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
