The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize