hotel room ftw
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
