I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's never too late to be topless.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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