Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
