We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
