dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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