actually, I'm a sock model
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just pee around me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
