did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
