apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
