Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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