Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
