If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
