..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
