I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
