cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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