i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
