i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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