i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
