I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize