So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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