Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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