Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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