Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
