I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
