this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
