There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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