Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
