Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
