Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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