I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
