Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
