I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
