If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
