Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
