If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
