As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
