she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize