you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
