This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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