Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
