Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize